Easter makes my gorge rise.

Christianity: A religion based on a stolen corpse.

Scene: A beautiful Sunday morning in early April: Mary Magdalene and the "other" Mary (Jesus' mother) see an angel roll away the stone in front of his tomb. The angel tells them Jesus is already resurrected and is on his way to Galilee. On their way to tell the others, Jesus appears to them.

The testimony of a whore and the deceased's mother. Both have a vested interest in seeing this "resurrection thing" through: Mary Madgalene, because without Jesus' divinity as a certainty, she's just wasting her time with a bunch of hippies who won't fuck her. And what Jewish mother doesn't already believe that her son is God. The apostles' investment in Jesus' divinity was absolute, being the basis of their identity and credibility.

Now I'm not saying that the women or the apostles stole the corpse. But someone did! How do I know this? BECAUSE THE CORPSE WAS GONE. Sure, what happens in Galilee stays in Galilee, but don't you think a nice Jewish boy would first tell Mommy he was alive and well, and that he was fucking off to Galilee without his toothbrush.

Perhaps the tomb robbery was a mundane practical joke run amok: let's steal Jesus and see who notices?

Maybe the women and apostles were afraid that if they were seen looking for Jesus, people would know that he was, in fact, dead and the subsequent resurrection ruse would be untenable.

So instead, we get 2000+ years of forced genuflection (remember the Crusades, the Inquisition, Lawrence Welk?) or burn in eternal heck.

And the apostles get go off on their own and compete to see who can write the most outrageous biography of their dead friend and savior, Jesus Christ.

Who won? Peter. Have you seen the Vatican? That's a vow of poverty I'm ready to take.

I digress.